I know you are not Miss Manners, but I just don’t know who else to ask about my problem. There are lots of articles online about the responsibilities of martial arts students, but very little about martial arts instructors. Your article at least said something about it, so maybe you can help me.

I recently entered a poomse tournament at the request of my instructor. He wanted me to compete in a national competition, and this tournament was the qualifier.

I would not have entered the tournament, but he wanted to get medals for national ranking. It also seemed to me that he wanted me to go to the national competition, because that is what he talked to me about when he asked me to participate in the qualifier tournament.

I trained for many weeks, sometimes hours a day. I attended poomse seminars and studied a lot. Other masters and instructors at the seminars praised my forms and used me as an example of some techniques. My own instructor started asking me to teach and help other students with their poomse.

Five days before the qualifier tournament, my instructor registered his wife (who is also one of my instructors) to compete against me.

Of course, I lost to her, and now I don’t know what to think. I am completely crushed and that horrible aching I have feels like betrayal.

Please help.